Friday, June 16, 2006

My Carnivale Season (cont'd)...

'On the road again...'

We drove into Pennsylvania , my home state. Listening to the tinny radio in the cab of the truck, and pulling up what stations we could between farm/agriculture/weather reports. At times all I could say was thank goodness for WMMS (the rock station out of Cleveland), cause we could pick it up when the weather was clear. Otherwise is was famine, no cassette deck.

Tommie explained that now was the time for us to eat 'well'; that soon we'd be either eating carnival fare or in whatever diners the town had to offer. He indicated that most times it would have to be the low-end diners or greasy spoons for reasons I did not comprehend - everything seemed like a veiled threat somehow. As the season progressed it would become clear: 'People hate us.' I felt Tommie was being paranoid, but he wasn't really the worrying type so his 'warnings' sort of frightened me a bit.

We got to our first 'gig' a town called Fullerton, right outside of Bethlehem, PA - Bethlehem would be our big stop until the next state. We were not going to hit Allentown (I was not sure why, except perhaps that Big Richard did not have the kind of 'pull' or connections needed to play the bigger towns).

The way carnivals work, (as I am sure most of you are aware), we'd arrive early in the week and set up and the carnival would start Thursday night and run until the end of the weekend. Then it would be time for us to tear down and move on to the next town.

Tommie was also holding back from telling me his other 'personal' concern - about how I'd be received. 'Little-miss-Mary-sunshine' meets the rough, sharp-edged-angry-fringe element of the carnie world. He was right to be so concerned. I was picking up on his 'vibe' but could not quite place it and he was in his 'brooding' mood and there was no breaking through to him at those times.

We pulled into the lot for the show and Tommie checked in at the owner's trailer. 'Big Richard' ran the show. He gave Tommie our 'assigned' spot on the midway. We'd be stationed across from the 'Pokereno' and next to a couple of smaller games and concessions. There was a cotton candy joint beside us.

The carnival also had various 'rides' and Tommie told me to steer clear of the ride 'jocks' he said they were the most trouble and frankly, dangerous. The show also boasted a 'freak-show' and a 'girlie' show but only in the Northern cities could we have the girlie show tent going. For some reason, the Bible belt would rather have a gambling tent than 1/2 naked women.

Set up for us was fairly easy; mainly loading the game with novelties. Tommie decided we could do that in the morning. For now, it was time to familiarize ourselves with the area and our fellow 'carnies'. Big Richard had placed us rather strategically, the two games (ours & the 'Pokereno') would be the big midway games (the other big difference between running these type of games in the 'North' vs the South was that we had to play with tokens - it was illegal to run the games with real money. The girlie show was the other big draw, but mainly at night and for adults.

The show was set to open up the next day at 4PM - we had some time, so we wandered the midway, some people had already been there for a day or two, a lot of the carnies who made this their sole existence and lived in big trailers. Some of the bigger rides were set up already as well. Jocks for those rides were busy testing, oiling making sure everything was running 'safe' Tommie told me he once saw a horrible accident on the midway when one of the rides collapsed and so running a 'clean' ride set up was imperative. Other carnies were gathered at some of the bigger trailers (huge RV affairs that had bedrooms, kitchens, showers). Tommie took my hand and headed to one of the biggest trailers. He knew these people; he had worked with them before. As he introduced me, I could see the quizzical looks on some of their faces. Tommie was either ignoring the looks, or not wanting to make a big deal of it. He announced to his 'friends' that we were going to make a run into town and did anyone need anything. We were invited back later for some beer and some smoke. We were also admonished to watch out for the 'townies'. We unhitched the game trailer we had been towing from our truck/camper and drove into 'town'.

Tommie wanted to get the 'lay of the land; we located the laundry, the local diner, and store. We bought cigarettes, Dr. Pepper (Tommie's soda of choice), some snacks, and the cheapest beer we could find, then headed back.

That night, the lights of the midway brought the darkness to life, the rides were going, all their lights a-twinkling and all the while this werid, funky/loopy music was going in the background; the typical carnival scene, playing to an empty house.

Tommie went inside our camper and in the cramped space rolled a couple of joints and we headed over the the bigger established trailer where we had been earlier that day. This was owned by Bill and Kathy. Tommie had known them from several seasons and was pretty comfortable with them. Bill was warm and funny, a philosopher of midway/carnie life and a big tattooed gentle-giant. Kathy was a pint-sized dynamo, Bill's polar opposite. She was constantly moving, a ball of nervous energy, a chain-smoker and rail thin, Her smile though (when she was genuinely happy) could rival all the lights of the midway and her laugh was hearty. There was a definite edge to her, her voice raspy from all the years of tobacco/marijuana use and drinking; her skin dark and leathery from days on end in the weather and the sun. She was wiry and strong and at times could be as mean spirited as a mule. (I was rather surprised to find out she was only 5 years older then me - she looked to be in her mid to late 30s). She and Bill owned several concessions and Kathy ran the balloon game.

We began partying that night and, as some of the others joined us, I learned how to play 'Spades' - I was told it was a game commonly played in prison - as many of the people working for Richard were former cons. We stayed up until 1 AM and headed to our little camper to sleep. I fell asleep to the sounds of crickets chirping and the strange lullabye of the midway.

The next morning I woke up as soon as it was light out. I knew that our camper would get hot as soon as the sun got higher and, being unlike the more established carnies, we did not have one of the more luxurious trailers with accoutrements like air-conditioning. We did not have a toilet or running water. Big Richard provided port-o-potties just for the carnies. I had to use the water hook up attached to the food concession near us to wash my face and brush my teeth. Little did I know this was to be a regular routine on the road and we'd only get hot showers in between stops. Soon, I was to become tired of this - mainly cause deep down I was a girl and wanted a hot bath.

I did not notice the guy staring at me intently as I put my head under the faucet. I at least had a towel to wrap up my almost waist-length hair. As I turned, I heard a low whistle. I looked startled to be sure, the way deer do when caught in the headlights of a car they are about to demolish. I was looking into the most ice-blue eyes I have ever seen. He was standing by what I assumed was his 'ride'. Like me, this guy was one of the only people awake.

"Hello" he said, smiling.

I was really taken aback, this guy was gorgeous, and there was definitely a twinkle of mischief in his merry eyes. I forgot all about Tommie's warnings.

"Hi" I said back.

"I'm Jim" he says. "Who are you with?"

"I'm with Tommie" I say...beginning to squirm under his intense gaze; I swear he's undressing me at this point with those baby-blues.

"Want some coffee, Tommie's girl?" he asks laughing

"No thanks" I have to help get the game set up.

I turn on my heel and feel his stare burning into my back.

I wake Tommie up - he's groggy and grumpy - but snaps awake when he sees how jumpy I am.

"What's wrong, is something wrong with the game?"

"No" I stammer.

"I am just kind of nervous, first day on the job and all."

I give him what I hope is a sincere smile. He pulls me close and we snuggle for a bit. After a while we get up and go out to start loading up the game. There is no sign of Jim. Around 10:30 AM I can hear Big Richard's voice that sounds like someone set caramel on fire; in a Southern drawl, he's yelling over the loud speakers:

"Get up you lazy-assed drug babies and convicts"

I have visions of the scene from Cool Hand Luke the snarling 'Boss-man': "Looks like what we have here is a failure to communicate!"

After the game is set up, we head into town for breakfast/brunch. It's late enough that none of the locals are really at the diner. Still the looks from the management says it all. It's suspicion mixed with something I could not put my finger on (and later I become all too familiar with it - it's hatred).

We head back and see if we can help Bill and Kathy to set up anything of theirs. Finally 3 PM rolls around and the whole midway seems to take a collective breath. Soon school kids are walking around and then running around and by evening the place is jumping with kids and parents and noise and music blaring, and smells of carnival food, cotton-candy, funnel cakes, sausages and peppers, and sin. All mingling together to become an entity unto itself.

Since it's a weeknight, we shut down rather early (dark or so) around 9 PM. The girlie show does not open on this night. It will open on Friday when we stay open until 11 PM (and in some cases later, depending on what sort of deal Big Richard has 'fixed' with the local authorities).

Again we stay up and party with the others and this time Jim joins us...but he's floating just outside of the group that's already gathered to play cards; that smile playing at his lips and that devilish twinkle in his eyes. I feel a chill and move a bit closer to Tommie.

The next day being Friday, we all seem to be a bit more tired but eager. You can smell money and the fools willing to part with it. Tommie would often quote P.T. Barnum. Mainly: "There's a sucker born every minute. And two to take 'em" I think he added the second part. But he was right. People were almost frantic to do this stuff. I could not figure out if it was because their lives were so void of anything 'fun' or that they were actually that desperate.

That evening was the first time I ever saw Tommie get mad at a 'mark'. A guy who looked to be the former star high school football player for the town was playing our game. Every time he did not get either the tokens or a prize to fall into his slot he'd get very angry. At first, this just manifested in him swearing and sort of stomping his foot. But then he took to rattling his side of the trailer a bit. Tommie looked over and told me with a motion to move away from that side of the game. He walked over and told the guy to 'be nice to the game'. The guy took another 'shot' and got so mad, he punched the plexiglass window in front of him. Tommie calmly picked up his Louisville slugger (which a lot of truckers carry with them to test tires and for 'other' reasons).

He looked right at the guy, holidng the slugger at an angle clearly visible, and said: "I am going to tell you once, step away from the game. Go find something else to play, or you can just leave."

The guy looked up at Tommie, sized him up, (he could have mopped the midway with him), but seeing Tommie had a 'weapon' and meant business, he thought twice. Grumbling, he walked away. What he didn't know was that while Tommie was leaning over looking down and holding the bat with one hand, he was reaching for his boot knife with the other.

There is an unspoken camaraderie in these situations with other carnies as well. I know that before Tommie even asked me to move he had somehow gotten some of the other carnies alerted to this situation because a couple of them left their games and came over by ours. I guess in case there was any trouble. I was to find out soon just how much trouble we could run into soon.

I decided around supper time to leave the game for a bit. It was slow and Tommie could handle things. I went to get something to eat. Now I am going to tell you right now, carnival food IS NOT typically safe to eat. You really have to watch it. Things like popcorn are relatively safe, but stay away from sausages, and other types of foods (at least this was what I was told). We had gotten some food stuffs so I headed to the camper to munch on some fruit.

I came out to find Jim, taking a break, smoking a cigarette. He smiled at me again.

"I have to ask, just what's a girl like you doing in a place like this?" he was laughing, but I was not sure if he was being sarcastic or just found himself that funny.

"What's it to you?" I said; I had decided he was definitely bad news.

"Well, it's just that I don't know why you'd leave civilian life for this. I am also wondering if you are happy with him."

"HIS name is Tommie, and I am just fine, thanks for asking". I was not mean but I was angry inside I just didn't want him to know this.

"Well if you ever want to talk" he said, "You know how to find me".

"Don't hold your breath, Jim" I walked away and headed back to the game.

Later that night I saw him putting the moves on a stunning young lady. She was completely out of her element on the dusty midway and looked like she'd be more at home on a modeling runway. I remember thinking that they'd have made pretty babies together.

This was the first night that the girlie show was open. There wasn't an empty seat in the house. Men were lined up halfway down that side of the midway just to see the show. It was more actual burlesque than a strip show. The girls were OK looking, nothing spectacular, but they did their best to dress the part and be as enticing as possible. An older woman named Ronnie ran the show. She had a big hulking man who was the bouncer watching over everything. I never did find out his name. He didn't talk much. But he was one of those guys that you knew could crush a skull or break a neck, arm, leg with his bare hands. Tattooed over every inch of visible skin (except for his bare head), he seemed pretty menacing. For the most part I could either take or leave the girls. Some of them were nice, caught in a bad situation - I felt for the younger ones who appeared trapped. There were some though that I would not trust as far as I could throw them. Tommie didn't say a word about having the girlie show 'on board' what was there to say. It was with women's intuition that I could sense that some of them were forced into situations (like putting on more than a show and putting out for more money) that made me quietly scared inside.

For the most part that night we did well; as did the other games. The 'after party' was a bit more exuberant and a lot of people got drunk. I could even muster up a smile for Jim but I thought it odd he had that same young woman beside him. Usually the 'townies' left after the last ride/concession shut down. Unless of course they were invited to a private poker game, or to enjoy one of the ladies. We learned her name was Paris and she fit her name.

Tommie and I went to our camper a bit earlier this night. Both of us were tired. After a failed attempt at making love we passed out. The next day would be our last in this town and Tommie promises a hotel room for Sunday night after 'tear down'.

Saturday dawned bright and early, brilliant, promising to be a great day. By now I was an old hand and even though I knew not to get too close to some of the people I had made some friends even with some of the ride jocks. One in particular, Kenny, reminded me of a younger brother so I talked a bit with him and joked - it was pretty easy to make him blush. He was sweet and did not seem as hard-core or tainted/jaded quite yet. I would try to be a little kinder to him, offering him food, beer, a joint every now and then. His clothes were in such bad shape that I felt guilty for being better dressed. (One of Tommie's favourite pastimes was to 'dress me up' and he had exquisite tastes and an artist's eye). I made a mental note to offer to sew the tear in Kenny's jeans on Sunday.

We went out to get breakfast early before the others woke up - it felt good to get out of 'camp' for a while and just have some private time. Because we didn't live in one of the nicer trailers, Tommie and I could not share many real intimate moments. Not that our relationship suffered from it - Tommie was a hard nut to crack at times and I was used to his brooding and his distance. So I never thought to nag or insist it's just how he was.

This time we did encounter locals at the restaurant. One of them was the young man Tommie had chastised for hitting the game. He was with some of his cronies. I noticed him whisper something to them and they all started laughing. Tommie narrowed his eyes a bit and told me to eat quickly, I obeyed. You could sense the hostility, you could cut it with a knife - if we said the wrong thing, gave the wrong 'look'...

We finished and paid. Luckily they did not follow us out and I don't know what we would have done had they done so; Tommie had the 'slugger' and we both had knives but it was not going to end well and we both knew this - it was unspoken between us, but I was finally getting a much bigger glimpse into his world and the darkness that was a regular companion in his life. To this day, it's why I can identify with the words of the Bob Seeger tune: Turn the Page: it's the way you get treated when people know you're an outsider, you don't belong, 'not of us!', that kind of shit...

We went back - feeling a bit unsettled, but I shrug it off - just one more day here. That's when it struck me, or at least the beginning of discontent start to surface. I realise I can't live like this for the rest of my life...

When we got back to the site, Jim calls me over. He and Kenny are standing around by Jim's ride and they motion for me to come over. Hesitant, I do. Kenny smiles and Jim says:

"We need your help. We need you to get on the ride, we have to test it".

Everything in me screams no! But I decide it can't do me any harm. I obligingly get on the ride. It's a Tilt-a-Whirl. I am spun around slowly and soon it picks up pace and before too long it's spinning so fast I can hardly catch my breath. They guys haven't sped the ride up - this is how it actually runs. I try to breathe and keep myself from feeling sick but my head is soon spinning along with the ride. Finally is slows and then sputters to a stop and all I can think of is to get the hell off of the ride. I run down the metal set of stairs and run behind the ride and vomit up all my breakfast. I am furious, crying and shaking. When I get around to the front of the ride, they are standing there, including Tommie all of them laughing. I sputter something about it not being funny and storm off to the trailer. Kathy sees me and offers to let me clean up in her and Bill's RV. I am so grateful I almost break down in front of her. She smiles and tells me that I am a 'newbie' and that this is going to be part of my learning curve. Then she says something that makes all my feelings from earlier surface again:

"I really hope you love Tommie, cause this life isn't for everyone C."

No shit Sherlock.

After having some ginger ale and smoking some pot (and yes it does help with stomach upsets). I head back to our trailer where Tommie greets me and hugs me close and apologises to me. He does however tell me how silly I am for doing that and also teaches me about breathing - he tells me if I know how to breathe properly on a ride I will never get sick. He says I will feel the gravity and even the giddiness but the right breathing will get me through all of that...I have to laugh now when I think about how I preach about breathing. (Perhaps this experience is what drives my current work with movement and breath.)

I go back to help get ready for the last evening on this midway - I am obviously furious - and Tommie knows this - he tries making up to me by offering to take me shopping someplace nice in the next town. (One of the perks is that you do make pretty good money with certain jobs on the circuit and I knew Tommie had great taste in dressing me - of course I weighed like 98 pounds too).

I noticed Kenny was slinking around our game, sulking actually. I called out to him asking him if he needed something and he looked at me so petulantly, I thought he was going to start crying. He apologised to me.

"I didn't mean to make you sick! I didn't know you'd get sick like that. I am sorry!"

I almost wanted to hug him but decided to leave him on the hook for a bit longer. I nodded acknowledging his apology and he shuffled off and headed back down to help with the rides. He seemed so forlorn

Since this was the last night we really didn't need to 'push' the crowd. It wasn't busy but it was steady with some slow periods. Tommie and I actually had a nice time because we knew that all we had to do for 'break-down' was pack up the novelties, close up the game and move onto the next town and this also meant a hotel with a hot shower and a nice bed. So we relaxed a bit.

I happened to glance over by Jim's ride at one point and saw Paris hanging around and talking with him. Again, I felt this rather odd. The girl was simply stunning and I could not figure out what she saw in him. Not that he wasn't cute; he had this Robert Redford/Paul Newman thing going on and he was at least 8 to 10 years older than her (which can be very appealing to a young woman). At the end of the night she was with him again - this time decidedly 'his girl'. A lot of us exchanged looks but no one said a word - unless you put another carnie at risk, what you do is your own damn business.

Little did we know all the trouble Paris was going to cause...

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